reality bites

it's been a while since i have felt this way
it was not planned, it just happened one fine day
my whole being is consumed by the thoughts of you
oh how i wish that you feel the same way as i do

i've tried to dismiss these emotions at the back of my mind
tried to forget and let it be blown by the prevailing wind
but the feelings become strong, for it cannot be denied
you bring felicity in my world that i no longer can hide

everyday i'm drowning in an abyss that you alone can fill
i wanted to stop, just be numb and not to feel
but you enkindle fervors in me, i dont know how to deal
such rapture weakens me, overcoming my will

it is not right for me to love you, that i know for sure
its the reality of life that my heart needs to endure
it maybe harsh and painful but there is nothing for me to do
FORBIDDEN is the word that i need to hold on to

...kaya mo yan

Pre, mukhang tulala ka na naman. Napakalalim naman ata ng iniisip mo. Di ko kayang sukatin, di ko kayang sisirin. Ano nman ang dahilan? O baka naman sino'ng may kagagawan ang mas nararapat na katanungan. Huwag kang malungkot. Huwag kang mabahala. Huwag mong masyadong pakaisipin. Di mo dapat lubusang dibdibin. Ang mga suliranin ay nakakabaliw kung hahayaan nating tayo ay mabaliw. Ang mga problema ay nakakalungkot kung tayo ay lubusang magpapaapekto. Dapat mong tandaan na ang mga pagsubok sa buhay ay gagaan kung marunong lang tayong magdala, magtiwala. Kung buong tapang nating haharapin ano man ang kalalabasan siguradong malalampasan natin. Nasa sa ating mga kamay pa rin ang kalutasan. SIYA ang gumagabay at umaakay. Tayo ang hahakbang patungo sa landas na nais nating tahakin.

once again

It's another lazy day for Petra. She did nothing the whole day but eat (food tripping becomes a habit... extra pounds!!! extra pounds!!! guilty...), lie in the sofa and watch tv. Only that it never is a boring day for her, since it's the only time to relax and free her mind from the busy and stressful work life.

She's so engrossed in watching the latest gossips in the showbiz world when suddenly... tooot toooot... tooot toooot... 1 message appears in her cellphone. Can it wait? she thought. But maybe not. So she took her cellphone and decided to read the said message. Bornok. A message coming from Bornok! Her eyebrows arched... a little bit puzzled. He didn't reply on any of her messages months and months ago... He decided not to get in touch and now... now what??? It made her wonder, it made her think... ? Well, maybe it's just a forwarded, nonsense message. Or maybe it's merely a wrong sent. She started to read what the text is all about. "Ei Petra, how r u?Wer r u n wat r u doin?u." Hmmmmmmmm... so it really is for me, she concluded. Sounds strange yet funny. As an answer, she wrote "am ok.doin great!am home.wat a miracle!a big 1 actually...". Message sent! After exchanging text messages, he asked her to call him in his landline. She hesitated for a while. And finally gained courage to pick up the phone and dialled 1234567. No turning back. Maybe he just needs someone to talk to in his boredom. Anyway, for whatever it is she still called. They talked. She learned that he's no longer with his girlfriend and he's alone right now doin' nothin', so bored and wanted to talk with someone he knows. And it turned out that that someone is her. Arrrrgggghhhhhhhh... am i a fallback girl?, she popped the question in her mind. Ouchhhhhh!.... just remembered by him when he has no one to talk to and feeling lonely and bored in life and for all i care! Arrrggggghhhhh.... ouccchhhhh....!!! But all the same, she silently accepted...So they continued to talk.. she listened and reconnected again. Filling all the gaps, she finally realized that he is not able to remember the things she have told him before about her, her escapades and all. But still she continued to listen and speak.

In the middle of their conversation, something came up... His cellphone is ringing. So he told her to wait for a minute. Petra is ok with that. No problem, she replied. So she waited. She waited not for long 'coz he's back on the phone with her. Yes, he's back on the phone just to tell her that they need to end up their talkies for he needs to take the call in the other line. She wanted to know if who that person might be, but she dared not asked, even out of curiosity, she didn't. She just kept it to herself. But in her mind the question still stands.... Who might that be. Is that his ex calling him??? Well maybe not.. maybe it's really important... someone else... perhaps... What's the point of knowing??? 'Coz even if she knows, she can't do anything about it. She will only be hurt.... And so... he thanked her for the time. They said their goodbyes and then she put down the phone after telling him that its ok. It's ok...it really is ok... her eyes are filled with tears... deep deep down she felt sad... she felt sorry... feeling dumped... once again....

hanggang sa muli...

Aalis ka na pala... Nakakalungkot naman, di ka man lang nagpasabi. Eh di sana napaghandaan ko. Naaya sana kitang lumabas, kahit sa panaginip. Eh di sana napuno ko ang inbox ng celfone mo ng mga walang saysay na mga mensahe na ikaiinis mo lang. Eh di sana nasingil kita ng maaga sa mga utang mo... Oo.. sa mga utang mong kwento! Eh di sana nakumbinsi pa kitang 'wag na lang umalis (charing!!!!! asa pa ko...).

Pero eto seryoso na ako... promise! Masaya ako para sa 'yo. Kasi alam ko na eto na ang pagkakataong hinihintay mo para sa career mo, para sa ikagaganda pa ng buhay mo. At higit sa lahat masaya ako kasi nakita pa kita bago ka lumipad patungo sa ibang lupain. At sa pagkikitang 'yon, napakaswerte ko nman kasi nagdampi pa ang ating mga pisngi. Ang bango mo talaga. Sadyang kakaiba! (Ang babaw ko noh... hayyyyyy...) Mamimiss kita ng sobra... Pero alam ko na magkikita pa din naman tayo sa darating na panahon. Magtatagpo pa rin ang mga landas natin. Di ko man masabi kung kelan pero naniniwala ako na mangyayari yun. Sana nga lang ay makilala mo pa din ako. Sana ay matandaan mo ang isang tagahanga mo na minsan ay naging kaibigan mo at mananatiling kaibigan mo kailanman. Pero siguro naman, sa panahong yun ay may pambayad ka na sa utang mo... Sa tagal mo ba namang mawawala, tiyak na makakaipon ka na ng mga kwentong pambayad mo... Pero sige na nga, kahit 'wag ka nang magbayad, ok lang... basta bumalik ka lang!

Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita...

am i ready for this?

Today will be a good day for me... that i told myself from the moment i opened my eyes and got out of my bed. I promise myself that i will learn to let go and today is the best time to start whatever i am planning to do, to be able to break free from your spell. I have done a lot of thinking... put things in perspective... so full of hope... full of light... i just hope that i can pull it through...Today my plan is to ignore you... as if you dont exist.... i dont know you... it sounds easy right... too easy... just remember that i dont know you for sure... and i will be able to finish the day with flying colors... then continue with the remaining battles...When i reached the office, im so full of energy... too sure that i will be able to pass the test. I opened my PC and start checking my mails. Logged in to yahoo in invisible mode and bang!!! you're online. I can do this.. i can do this!!! Self control i am able to manage. I dismissed the thought of clicking on your name, page you and say hello. You're invisible to me. That's only a state of the mind. However... i still clicked on you're name telling myself that i can do this.. yes i can... with trembling hands and a hesitant mind... I right clicked on the mouse and press on the delete option... Oooooopppppssssss!!!! No confirmation please... i may change my mind. Without reading what's in it, i just clicked on OK... and yes, now u are deleted.. how brave of me... there's no turning back.. if only the same applies to my system... to my feelings... with just one click... it wud have been easier to dismiss you... it would have been... Anyway, now you're no longer in my list... I can stare all day in my messenger and not be tempted to page you... can I delete your ID from my mind as well??? How I wish... i am fighting the urge.. im trying harder than expected...My day is turning fine.. i am able to fight my own battle... when all of a sudden a message window pops up... a message coming from you... arent you going to help me with this??? arrrggghhhhhh!!!!! the barrier was broken... the coldness went away... my heart soar... I should not feel this way... I should ignore you... I must... but for how many times do I have to convince myself... what happens next, you be the judge... u

...Over Summer...

Summer is almost over... time has fly so fast... yet here i am, alone, lying in the comfort of my bed, looking for answers in the ceiling (...perhaps)... thinking of you still (... definitely)...

At first i thought it was just a fancy thing... whatever i feel for you will simply be blown by the passing wind... it will wash away with every gallons of water that i drink... rinsed off from my being... flushed out of my system...

But i was so wrong... for until now im so into you... you're the air that i breathe... you're the song that i sing... someday... somehow... i will be able to let you go... maybe tomorrow... maybe the next day... it may take sometime... but i am willing to try... in time... it will be done...